Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
