I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
