I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
