How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
