as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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