in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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