my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
