He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is classic penis vs brain.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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