my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
