Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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