Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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