I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
