how can u be prego again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
