you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
