it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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