His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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