I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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