genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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