My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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