Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
