the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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