She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When are your genitals available?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
