I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
