whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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