Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
