How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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