You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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