You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize