I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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