You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will pee on everything he values.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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