it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
