When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
