I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
