No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
