i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Operation Purity has been aborted
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
