Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
