You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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