Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fill condoms, not promises.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize