can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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