Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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