bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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