walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
