Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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