I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
