Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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