is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize