theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
