Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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