My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize