I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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