If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
organizing the empties. That sober.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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