Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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