I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
