How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
