I will die if light touches me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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