It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize