im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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