There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
