somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
