we have pet lesbian snakes
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im holly from the hills drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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