Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
