The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
