I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
