dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
