the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
