LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
