Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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