Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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