capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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