New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
