I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
