hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
