my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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