so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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