you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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