Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
