If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize