I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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