How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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