Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
