i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize