The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
