Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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