She is in my trunk
please come you make the beer taste better
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
