and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
