i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
