By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
