the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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