how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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