Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
