Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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