I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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