Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
as a side note pls kill me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
